My Kids On This Mother's Day

After a quick yoga session this morning, I got ready and headed to church. I was feeling pretty excited to hear a message that would motivate me as we head into our last couple of weeks of school. To my dismay, the sermon was based solely on parenting. I realize that it is Mother's Day, and in no way do I want to take away from all of the love that they deserve. But I couldn't help but feel hurt by the words of the minister. Maybe I was reading into it, and I do realize that I am sensitive to the issue, but it doesn't make the pain any less real to me. I wasn't concentrating like I should as I counted down the minutes until we were dismissed. As I sat there, I couldn't help but think about all the mothers that have lost children, parents longing to have children but are unable, and other single people praying daily for families. This couldn't have been an easy hour for them either. Before I knew it, there were tears in my eyes. These feelings surface frequently, but I let them rest inside. I don't know how healthy that is, but I don't want to make my problems someone else's because I realize that everyone has their "thing." People are hurting for various reasons. It's our job to recognize that and be kind.

As I sit at Starbucks, I'm wondering what I can learn from this; how can I move forward from today's sermon? My mind is spinning as I realize that I just need to let it be. It's over, and it hurt, but the fact that I'm not a parent doesn't take away from all of the great aspects of my life. God is good, all the time. I will trust in that. 

On Friday, one of my students came into my room offering me a cupcake. She said it was for Mother's Day in which we both laughed knowing that I'm not a mother. No, I may not have my own children, but I always refer to my students as my kids because that's just what they are. They mean the world to me, and I am thankful to serve as a "mother" to them both in and out of the classroom. 

Time to move forward and have a happy Sunday. 

Soak It In

Currently, I have my "prep" at the beginning of the day. Seeing as I am a morning person, this has been working out quite well. In fact, I feel like I've been really productive already today!

Fridays have such a different feel. It's a little more relaxed and people tend to be in a better mood (obviously). This morning, a senior came in and asked me to look over his speech that he's preparing for the graduation ceremony. After finishing up some work, I read through it. He referenced a song by John Michael Montgomery called "Life's a Dance." I played it as I read though his thoughts. I had one of those moments where I thought, "How did I get so lucky to have this job?" I stopped, looked around because remembering to soak it all in is really important in teaching. The slower pace of most Fridays allow for this. This time of year can be kind of hectic, but for seniors, it can also be nostalgic. While most of them want to be done, I try to remind them to soak it in because these days won't happen again. 

Write Your Story

Setting Goals (And Keeping Them)

I just completed my long run for the week. Woohoo!! It was a bit windy and much hillier than I anticipated, but I did it! Currently, I am training for a half marathon at the end of May. I've trained for races before, but for some reason, I am more focused this time around. My current running mantra: "If it doesn't challenge you, it won't change you." (No, I didn't come up with that on my own.) Basically, I want to run better than I have before; I want to prove to myself that I can change by way of new challenges.

In order to be a good runner, it's important to fuel your body. Which means, I've cut out processed foods and been focusing on eating clean. I haven't always had a very good relationship with food, and I am learning to be gentle with myself. I make mistakes, but I'm trying much harder than I have before, and I'm feeling much better -- both physically and mentally. The way I've been holding myself accountable is by way of a challenge group on Facebook. Basically, we just report to the group what we eat each day, along with water intake and exercise. While my focus does seem greater, it's good to have a group that offers support. The idea of intuitive eating and putting real foods in my body that will fuel me has really been the driving force for me during this challenge.

As a high school teacher, we discuss goal setting quite a bit. The dreadful question "Where do you see yourself in five years?" seems to pop up in this process. While it is a good idea to think this through, I've learned that I can't make those decisions for someone else. I can nag, nag, nag, but if a student doesn't have the drive to achieve certain goals, that's his or her decision. Until someone really wants to set goals and make a change, it won't happen until that person is ready. I have a good friend that recently lost a significant amount of weight. I asked her what made her decide to make a change. There was a specific moment when she realized that she could no longer live with the extra weight; she decided to make a change. She set out on a challenge, and she continues to grow and change. What a great feeling!

Lastly, as a runner, it's hard not to get discouraged at times. For me, I'm not terribly fast. I wasn't born a runner, so it is a little bit more challenging compared to others. But the fact is, it's not about others. My race is just that: mine. Each time I go out, I am thankful for the ability to run. I try to soak in the scenery and enjoy the fact that my legs are able to move. Running is one of the aspects of my life that makes me feel normal. I'm proud to be a part of the running family and plan on continuing to push myself. When I want to quit, I thank God for the gift of running.

Reasons Our Plans Don't Work Out

It's frustrating when the plans in our head don't turn out the way we planned. These disruptions can even leave us anxious. Over the past few years, I've come to realize that the twenties are full of disrupted plans. As we graduate from college and begin to make our mark on the world, we have ideas about being successful, having a disposable income, and a thriving social life. What we don't think about are all of the trials that we are about to embrace. 

One of the reasons our plans don't work out is because we don't plan for trials. Upon my college graduation, I didn't think about financial issues, struggles finding the right career, or breakups with boyfriends. Those things simply weren't a part of my plan for obvious reasons. I'm not suggesting that we include adversities in our life plans, but I do think we need to be realistic when things pop up. Not only do we need to learn to be okay with them, we need to be thankful for them. There are reasons our plans are disrupted, mainly because it's not about our plan; it's about God's plan. Especially as we live out this Passion Week in the Christian church, we are reminded that God has the final say. Simply put, His plans are greater than ours. 

Just this morning, my devotional (Jesus Calling) read, "Thank me for troublesome situations; the peace they can produce far outweighs the trials you endure." These words couldn't be more true. Finding peace during the storms grows up closer to God, which as Christians, is our ultimate goal. 

Letting Go

Letting go means that things are changing. Whether it means that you’ve lost someone close to you or that you’re moving on from a familiar place, aspects of your life will never be the same. Recently, my parents moved from my childhood home to a new town. Every once in a while, I get a little emotional about not revisiting the only place I will ever call my hometown. Logically, it made sense for them to move. I know this, and I truly am excited for them; however, emotionally, I hold onto old memories pretty tightly. While I don’t believe I should let go of them (well, maybe a few), it may be time to loosen up my grip.

Another aspect of my life that needs a little lotta bit of loosening, is surrendering my issues to God. I read the other day, “When you let go, something magical happens. You give room for God to work.” God doesn’t want us to do more for Him; He wants more of us. He desires for us to let go of our worries so that He can take care of them. We all have those few things that eat at us – those constant worries that we can’t shake. What would happen if we let go of them? Why are we even holding on to them? Part of my wonders if I enjoy the worry because if I didn’t have it then I would have any reason to throw myself a pity party every once in a while. I hold on to those same worries. Yes, there are others that seep into my mind, but those big worries that constantly haunt me, I never let go of them. Today is the day to let them go.

God, take these obnoxious worries and shield me with your grace. I want to live in peace while trusting Your plan is working better than any one I could ever dream of.

Let. Go.

On Being Real

We often hear others talk about people being “fake.” Whether it is in someone’s appearance (The Real Housewives, cough, cough) or personality, it’s not a desired trait. We don’t like being lied to, and in many ways, this is exactly what happens when a person is acting “fake.” We aren’t getting their true self, and that is disappointing. But why do people feel the need to act this way? Why can’t we all feel comfortable enough to act as our true selves?

Perhaps as we get older, this becomes easier; we become more aware of ourselves and comfortable in our own skin. Being a high school teacher, I see a lot of insecurities and actions that could be considered “fake.” While I would love to see these behaviors go to the wayside, I realize how fragile self-image is for teenagers. I remember feeling self-conscious, desiring to fit in. And the truth is, sometimes I feel myself falling back into these habits.

In my first teaching job, I received a compliment from my principal that I will never forget. He told me that the kids (and other teachers) responded to me because I am honest. I had never really thought about it before, but I realized that he was probably right. I don’t hide things from people. What you see is what you get. I would like to think that my students would say that I am “real.” I share stories about my life (not too personal, of course) and listen when they do the same. I admit when I’m wrong. If I write a terrible essay question, I own it, change grades if necessary, and we move on. I don’t pretend to know all the answers because, quite frankly, I don’t know all the answers (hard to believe, right?!). Honesty, being “real,” is one of my strengths, and I’m glad that someone pointed that out to me.

Obviously, I’m not sharing this with you to gloat, but rather to encourage a few thoughts. First, to think about the importance of being “real” and how you respond to those that are. Second, what are you good at? I know I can be really hard on myself, and I don’t spend enough time praising myself for things I do well. Think of a time when someone complimented you, and accept it. Rather than discarding the comment, embrace your talents. I’m going to be “real” with you for a minute – I want you to love yourself today.