The Next Right Step

Recently, I have found myself re-reading parts of Regina Brett’s God Never Blinks: 50 Lessons for Life’s Little Detours. I read it in college, and in many ways, it changed my life…at least at that point. The past few days I’ve had a few random things thrown at me that have left me unsettled. In my eyes, they are worries that I don’t need to carry. To be honest, I feel like I have tried to do what is right. I’m a responsible person that others can count on, and for some reason it’s all kind of being thrown back in my face. It’s hard, and I’ve been getting pretty down on myself. Then I read Regina Brett’s Lesson 2: When in doubt, do the next right step. Just like the headlights on a car, we can only see so far. We do the next right step in order to continue on our journey. We don’t know what is beyond the headlights, but we trust our journey will turn out as planned. 

“It’s scary to make major changes, but we usually have enough courage to take the next right step. One small step and then another. That’s what it takes to raise a child, to get a degree, to write a book, to do whatever it is your heart desires.” 

I don’t know why things have been going the way they have. I’m sure there is some underlying lesson I will learn from all of this, but until that is clear to me, I need to remember to make the next right step. 

"Teenagers These Days"

There have been at least two instances this summer when I’ve talked to another adult about “teenagers these days.” Each time I left feeling more and more frustrated. A few of the comments I’ve heard are that teenagers don’t care about what’s going on in the world, they’re mean to one another, and they’re disrespectful.

*Cue soapbox.

I’ll go ahead and tackle these three comments in particular. First of all, the teenage brain is not fully developed. They all have an egotistical mindset because that is a part of growing up. They tend to live day-to-day, sometimes disregarding that what they do today will affect tomorrow. Once again, most of that is due to their brain development. Is this frustrating (especially as a teacher)? Yes! Of course it is, but that is just the nature of the beast. To say that they don’t care about what’s going on in the world is a general statement. How many teenagers in the last century were watching the news and partaking in political debates at the lunch table? I’m guessing very few. That is a personal interest. Some people follow elections, others don’t. As adults, it’s our job to help inform teenagers. We are mentors still learning ourselves; therefore, having open discussions to inform and debate are important.

Secondly, teenagers are no meaner than adults. In fact, I know more adults that are judgmental and cenacle than teenagers. The whole notion of “bullying” has gotten out of control. People are mean for many reasons such as their own personal insecurities. It has nothing to do with age. It has nothing to do with technology. The same issues have been going on for years, but as our society evolves, these issues just look different. Texting and social media heightens many issues, but to be fair, adults have no idea what it would be like to grow up in an environment that that is constantly busy. We can access anything we want to know, anyone we want to see in an instant. To say that teenagers are “mean” is simply unfair.

Lastly, some teenagers can be disrespectful. I understand that. There have been times when I have been speechless at comments I’ve heard. But once again, it’s highly unfair to put that stamp on the entire generation. Don’t you think that our grandparents said some of the same things about us when we were in high school? Generations prior to the teenagers of today were just different. Excuse the cliché, but it’s like comparing apples to oranges. For as many disrespectful kids I’ve had, there have been a dozen respectful ones. I have countless stories of teenagers working hard, persevering, exceeding expectations, and making me laugh. I have goosebumps right now just thinking about all of the amazing discussions, smart papers, and witty remarks I’ve heard over the past few years.

It’s time we stop discounting teenagers. They can be insightful, kind, and clever. Why not give them some credit instead of constantly putting them down? By doing that, we’re no worse than them.

It's Me Time

I'm not a mother. I don't know what it's like to have a child of my own; however, I do know what it's like to constantly put other's needs in front of my own. I use this example because there are times when other mothers assume things about me. For instance, some assume I'm not busy. Others believe that I'm missing out. Others don't assume anything at all. It's always been something that irritates me. I'm not broken because I don't have children. It just hasn't been my time yet.

Recently, I've been trying something new; I've been putting my own needs before others. I may seem selfish, but the fact is, I can. I am a single woman trying to figure things out. The only way I can do that is to try things, mess up, learn, and move on. These opportunities that have been presenting themselves to me will not last forever. They may lead me down the wrong path, but the cool thing is, they may lead me right where I need to be. Life is crazy like that.

It's funny because I never thought I would be an independent woman. It's not that I thought I was weak, but I've always had someone looking after me. Don't get me wrong, I needed that at the time, but at some point in the past few years, I found myself figuring out quite a bit by myself. I've failed...a lot, but I own all of those failures.

After graduating college, I envisioned myself settling down and starting a family. For many reasons, that just didn't happen. A relationship fell apart, I went back to college to pursue college, and I moved around to find my fit. Some day, I want to be a mother, and I pray that it will happen. Until then, I am learning to enjoy the opportunities and people that God is giving me. I'm learning to do things for myself and enjoy my independence.

Last weekend, I went out with some friends back in my college town. It's always bittersweet. I miss it, but I also realize that those memories, people, and experiences will forever be in my heart.

Moving Forward

In high school, I was on the golf team. I grew up on the course, whether it was riding along in the cart, working at the club, or playing a round or two myself. Golf is one of the only sports where you have the opportunity to walk along and talk with your competitor. While this was not always the case, sometimes it made the sport fun. I met a lot of girls with a wide variety of skills and personalities.

One time, I was walking along side my competition after she had hit an unimpressive worm-burner. She looked over at me and said, "Oh well. My dad always tells me that as long as I'm not hitting it backwards, I'm doing alright." I'm not sure why this comment has stuck with me over the years, but I'm realizing that it applies far beyond the course. No one wants to go backwards -- not when you're golfing, not in life.

Someone once told me that he didn't want to make lateral moves. At the time, I didn't think much of it. I suppose I hadn't really even thought about which direction I was heading. Now it makes a little more sense. We want the choices we make in life to move us forward. There's nothing wrong with looking back because we can learn from past situations. This in turn helps us to move forward as opposed to sideways or even backwards.

Today I am moving to a new place. I'll be teaching in the same school district; I just needed to move for personal reasons. Yesterday I began second guessing my decision. I started to question whether the move was lateral. I might be downsizing in terms of space, but personally, this is something that I need to do. I've put my career first for a while, and it's now time to think about myself. While I still intend to pour my heart and soul into teaching, I also realize that it's also important for me to be my best self. My physical move will also be moving me forward personally.

Being Okay with the Swerve

Sometimes I feel behind. Ideally, I wouldn't have gone to college twice. Yes, I did earn to bachelor degrees, but it did take me longer than I had anticipated. In many ways, it set me back both professionally and socially. The silver lining: I learned a lot in both my education and in life. As I look back, I try not to dwell on my decisions (or indecisions). Every path I have taken as leaded me to where I am today. God has paved the way for me, and He continues to lead me each day.

In the minister's sermon this morning, he talked about taking gravel roads verses interstates and highways. Visually, this all started to make sense to me. I know people that have mapped out their lives and stayed pretty close to those direct routes. Yes, they have made a few pit stops along the way, but for the most part, they (seemingly) have had a pretty smooth ride. Sounds nice, doesn't it? Well, I wouldn't really know because I've been on the gravel roads for most of my life. I'm not complaining, nor do I believe that I've had a hard life. The fact is, I've been swerving around trying to figure out quite a bit on my own. It's allowed me to become an independent woman, something I never thought I would be. My route may not be the most direct, but it's mine. The order of things may be different from what I had in mind. The amount of time it's taken me to figure things out may not always be very efficient, but it's allowed me to learn. 

As I write this, I realize that all of these "setbacks" have shaped me and continue to do so. The important thing to remember is that God is behind all of them. He doesn't have "setbacks." All things work together for good for those that love God (Romans 8:28). Yes, I may be swerving more than others, but God is teaching me and guiding me through. Learning to trust is not always easy, but surrendering my life to Him was the best decision I've ever made.

"In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight." (Proverbs 3:6)

Life Just Sucks Sometimes

If I had a dollar for every time someone told me that life isn't fair...well, you get the picture. The truth is, life just isn't fun sometimes. But the good news is summed up in one of my favorite phrases, "It's a bad day, not a bad life." Recently, I've had a few different personal issues that I can't really shake. These issues are following me and a few of the people that I love. It's hard to continue on when life seems so easy for those around you. While it may just be a masked image, it still can hurt and seems nearly impossible not to play the comparison game.

As I grow older, I realize more that everyone has their thing. It may not seem like a big thing to us, but it's still their own hurt that they carry. I don't like when people say, "The things you complain about someone else may be praying for." Just because their problem looks "bigger" than someone that you are struggling with doesn't mean you can't hurt. You own whatever struggles come your way. Whether it's a health issue, change in jobs, or even as small as an argument at work. You have every right to hurt. We need to realize that life just sucks sometimes, and there is a reason it does. God gives us these struggles because it's not supposed to be easy on this side of heaven. We are imperfect sinners. The important part is that we accept His grace and continually ask for forgiveness.

Yes, life sucks sometimes, and that's okay. But it's not okay to get stuck in this times. At some point, we need to pull ourselves out of our slumps. It's going to be hard, but life is meant to be lived. While it may seem that you are constantly being dealt a bad hand, you're strong enough because God is not only walking alongside of you, but also in front of you. One day at a time, things will get better.

Another One Bites the Dust

Only a few days into summer, and I've already completed one book! Once I get going on a book, it begins to consume my life. I'm not sure how healthy this is; I suppose there are worse things :-) A good novel, for me, is mostly based on the characters. I'm always amazed at the craft of characterization. I mean, how does an author make me feel so connected to the characters in a novel? If you ask me, that's a very hard skill to master. Last summer, I went to a reading where the author described the process behind her characters. It was very interesting, and it made me realize that it's not always a "plop my laptop down and begin typing" situation, but rather, a process. I kind of love that about it too because this shows that not just anyone can be a published author.

You're probably wondering what book I read! Me Before You by Jojo Moyes was recommended to me by a friend, and I would do the same to someone else. The story is based around a relationship between a quadriplegic and his caregiver. It was nothing like I thought it was going to be, and it was interesting to read about the different perspectives. I loved how the characters developed, not only individually, but as they grew together.

One of the quotes from the novel got me thinking (surprise, surprise) was, "You only get one life. It's actually your duty to live it as full as possible." Understanding the story and getting to know the characters changes this for me, but it's something that anyone can relate to. It's so easy to get into a routine and, for lack of a better term, "settle." I am guilty of this, but this just reminded me that that's not what life is about. Not only that, but it is our duty to do something bigger. We only have one life on this side of heaven, so it's important that we fill it with what matters.

As I finished the novel, I was crying. I was sad for the characters, but also for myself because it was over. I always get so emotionally attached to characters. Someone needs to remind me that they aren't real people. In that sense, another one bites the dust.