A Clean Heart

Looking back on when I first began my blogging journey, I realized that my topics have become much more serious. While this may be a sign of maturity (could it be possible?!), in some ways it reflects greatly on my emotional and spiritual growth. My sense of humor will forever remain the same; however, lately I have been writing what is on my heart.

I recently found myself reading in the book of Job. I am no expert, but he sounds like a pretty smart dude. He addresses the question, "Why do the righteous suffer?" In a broken world, this is a common question that so many try to decode. I have heard people say that God places "hiccups" in our lives so that we learn that we are unable to do it on our own. We want control, but God wants the total opposite for us. He wants our trust to remain solely in Him. Why is this so hard for us? Answer: We are human.

Just for the record, I hate those "Keep Calm and (fill in the blank)" signs. In my mind, they are totally overused; however, this is exactly what we are being asked to do. "Keep Calm and Trust God." I read today that in order to find peace, we must be silent, slow down, and live for today. It is not our job to plan (unless it's a to-do list on a post-it note, of course). Our job is to trust. Surrender it all to Him.

"Stop quarreling with God! If you agree with him, you will have peace at last, and things will go well for you. Listen to his instructions, and store them in your heart. If you return to the Almighty and clean up your life, you will be restored." - Job 22:21-23

Prayer

I have been taking an Alpha class on Wednesdays at my church. This program is used worldwide as a tool to help Christians become deeper believers. It also provides discussion and answers to seekers as those join together to explore the meaning of life. I find that it is so important to connect with the church mid-week.

Last night, the topic was "prayer." Why and how do I pray? While I have been praying my whole life, sometimes I feel a little lost as I begin my conversations with God. Recently, I had a discussion with my mom about my prayer life. We talked about how there are just so many things to pray about, and how it is easy to get lost in prayer. She encouraged me to ask God what I need to pray about. Last night, the minister spoke about building a relationship with Him just as we would with a best friend. How does your best friend know your favorite food? She listens; we spend time together. God knows us; however, it is important for us to know Him. We must spend time with Him in order to really know what to pray about.

"Prayer is the most important conversation of the day." It doesn't have to be poetic. God knows your heart, and He just wants to hear from you. I find it helpful to have "whisper prayers" throughout my day. This helps me keep my focus on Jesus, rather than losing sight of what matters most: my Creator.

Yesterday, my sister left for the summer. She is going to be a camp counselor for kids of all ages. I know she will be an amazing light for everyone she meets. One of her preparations before leaving was downloading new music. I mentioned the new song by Sanctus Real called "Prayer." The lyrics speak directly to the conversations that took place at Alpha. For your listening pleasure:

Beating Treadmill Boredom

I am only days away from my second Dam to Dam race. This is a 20k run that leads 8,000 runners from the Saylorville Dam to Downtown Des Moines. Over the past ten years, running has become a passion for me. This is a good goal for me as I push myself to run farther distances. It's also really great to share this experience with some really great friends!

The weather around Iowa has been wet, cold, and depressing. This has made it quite difficult to stay on my training schedule. I really don't mind running on the treadmill, but to spend longer than an hour on the same belt, staring at the wall can be pretty brutal. I have spent time finding and creating various workouts to beat the inevitable treadmill boredom.

The other day, I made my way to the gym in hopes of tackling a quick 3 to 4 mile run. Water - check. Playlist - check. Interval workout - check. I settled into my stride as a running buddy started to do the same on the treadmill beside mine. After 45 minutes, I knocked my MPH down to a brisk walk. My "buddy" commented, "Hey, we still have a half hour left." I was a little caught off guard because it was totally unplanned. While I did know the person, we hadn't planned on our synced strides. It was actually kind of cool to listen to the pidder-padder of our running shoes as they played out the song of our run. She completed her run, and I was still feeling really great, so I ended up running 10 miles. Can you believe that?! All I needed was a little push to motivate me in my long run.

I have always loved the solitude of running. I love placing my focus on my run, but the other day I really saw the importance of a running buddy. In all things, it is important to have a support system. Once again, I was reminded that we can't do everything on our own.

Past is Past

I have been spending time in my hometown the past few days. It has been really great regrouping after the school year. My sister will be gone for the summer, so we have shared some laughs along with the rest of my family. It's nice to have a place to come home to.

Last night, I was able to see some old friends. We reminisced about stories of the past, shared plans for the future, and created new memories with smiles on our faces. Sometimes it makes me anxious to see people from my past. I never know if they will judge me or think I am not in the right place (as if there a "right place" to be). Of course, these are just silly insecurities. I have surrounded myself with really wonderful people that genuinely care about me. That was very evident last night. Another blessing to be thankful for.

My sister and I drove to get coffee this morning. As we talked about how things have changed, how people have grown up and moved on, any anxieties I had about the past gently lifted off my shoulders. The words "what's past is past" have been ringing in my mind. The past shapes us; it teaches us how to be better. There are many aspects that will never be forgotten, and that isn't necessarily all bad. What really matters is knowing when to leave the past in the past. After all, the future is very exciting.

The Iconic First Year

Last Friday marked the last day of my first year of teaching! I have a mix of emotions streaming through my body. It’s all very bittersweet as I reflect upon the year. One thing is for sure: I’m physically and emotionally tired. I’m looking forward to some downtime before the chaos of the summer begins.

Of course I told my students to continue reading and learning throughout the summer. I got some eye rolls… Actually, I got a lot of eye rolls. Just as I hope they continue to use their brains, it is important for me to do some writing; therefore, I think it’s time to dust off this blog!

I would like to share some of my thoughts regarding my first year of teaching. 

Aside from some curriculum elements (I won’t bore you), here’s what I would do way differently:

-       Ask for more help. For some reason I was reluctant to reach out and use my resources. I suppose deep down, I thought this was a sign of weakness; however, this couldn’t be farther from the truth. Others have valuable knowledge and experiences that I could have incorporated into my daily routines.

-       Over-plan. There were way too many times that the students were left twiddling their thumbs with ten minutes until the bell. While I know they appreciated this, I wasn’t comfortable with it. I’m not necessarily a fan of ‘busy work,’ but I need to keep the students occupied from start to finish of each period.

-       Parent communication. There were times that I should have contacted parents. I talked myself out of that email or phone call. This just simply must change.

-       Grading. I need to spend more time grading and focusing on each student’s work. I felt like I did a lot of skimming. Ooops.

Now for the positives. These are things I thought I did well:

-       Listened to the kids. We had quite a few “relationship building days.” I loved this part of my job. The fact is, kids have a lot of great things to say. It matters to them if you ask about their lives and listen. Getting to know the kids is so important. Plus, they are hilarious. I really believe that they appreciated how I made it a point to remember what was going on in their lives.

-       Managed my time wisely. I am a fairly organized person. I plan ahead, so I did a pretty good job balancing school, health, and my personal life. I guess I was a balanced banana ;-)

-       Kept on smiling. I realize there were times when the kids were laughing at me, and I am completely okay with this. I can smile through the craziness. There were good days and bad days, but we laughed a lot.

-       Remembered kindness and honesty. Kids can tell if someone is genuine or not. My kids saw who I am; I didn’t sugarcoat things. I gave advice when they asked for it. When they asked a question that I didn’t know, we looked it up. I will not pretend to be something I’m not. The kids recognized this, and overall, I believe they appreciated this quality.

Kids are underappreciated. They have so many great thoughts that deserve to be heard. With all of the adversity and negativity that seems to be happening, it is important to listen and be kind. I love those kids, and they need to know that.

Most importantly, I couldn’t have done any of this without the love and support of family and friends. Above all else, the strength of Jesus Christ was at the center of each day. He is so good, and I am blessed beyond words.

Now, bring on the summer!!