Life Just Sucks Sometimes

If I had a dollar for every time someone told me that life isn't fair...well, you get the picture. The truth is, life just isn't fun sometimes. But the good news is summed up in one of my favorite phrases, "It's a bad day, not a bad life." Recently, I've had a few different personal issues that I can't really shake. These issues are following me and a few of the people that I love. It's hard to continue on when life seems so easy for those around you. While it may just be a masked image, it still can hurt and seems nearly impossible not to play the comparison game.

As I grow older, I realize more that everyone has their thing. It may not seem like a big thing to us, but it's still their own hurt that they carry. I don't like when people say, "The things you complain about someone else may be praying for." Just because their problem looks "bigger" than someone that you are struggling with doesn't mean you can't hurt. You own whatever struggles come your way. Whether it's a health issue, change in jobs, or even as small as an argument at work. You have every right to hurt. We need to realize that life just sucks sometimes, and there is a reason it does. God gives us these struggles because it's not supposed to be easy on this side of heaven. We are imperfect sinners. The important part is that we accept His grace and continually ask for forgiveness.

Yes, life sucks sometimes, and that's okay. But it's not okay to get stuck in this times. At some point, we need to pull ourselves out of our slumps. It's going to be hard, but life is meant to be lived. While it may seem that you are constantly being dealt a bad hand, you're strong enough because God is not only walking alongside of you, but also in front of you. One day at a time, things will get better.

Another One Bites the Dust

Only a few days into summer, and I've already completed one book! Once I get going on a book, it begins to consume my life. I'm not sure how healthy this is; I suppose there are worse things :-) A good novel, for me, is mostly based on the characters. I'm always amazed at the craft of characterization. I mean, how does an author make me feel so connected to the characters in a novel? If you ask me, that's a very hard skill to master. Last summer, I went to a reading where the author described the process behind her characters. It was very interesting, and it made me realize that it's not always a "plop my laptop down and begin typing" situation, but rather, a process. I kind of love that about it too because this shows that not just anyone can be a published author.

You're probably wondering what book I read! Me Before You by Jojo Moyes was recommended to me by a friend, and I would do the same to someone else. The story is based around a relationship between a quadriplegic and his caregiver. It was nothing like I thought it was going to be, and it was interesting to read about the different perspectives. I loved how the characters developed, not only individually, but as they grew together.

One of the quotes from the novel got me thinking (surprise, surprise) was, "You only get one life. It's actually your duty to live it as full as possible." Understanding the story and getting to know the characters changes this for me, but it's something that anyone can relate to. It's so easy to get into a routine and, for lack of a better term, "settle." I am guilty of this, but this just reminded me that that's not what life is about. Not only that, but it is our duty to do something bigger. We only have one life on this side of heaven, so it's important that we fill it with what matters.

As I finished the novel, I was crying. I was sad for the characters, but also for myself because it was over. I always get so emotionally attached to characters. Someone needs to remind me that they aren't real people. In that sense, another one bites the dust.

A Simple Image

In my American Literature class, we briefly study Imagism. The reason we only study it for one or two days is because the period itself only lasted from about 1912-1917. Ezra Pound, along with some of his colleagues, were aiming for clarity of expression through images through literature. One of the most famous poems during this time was "The Red Wheelbarrow" by William Carlos Williams. He constructs the poem by using a mere 16 words to express the simple image of a wheelbarrow. Now, most of my students like this poem because it is so short, but some like it for other reasons. The image it creates in their minds is simple, and in a world where things are anything but, that is kind of comforting. 

These authors created images through words, but it got me thinking about how we create our images. Yes, there is social media, and I'm not one to rag on its effects on society. It's a part of the world we live in, but I do think it's important to think about the images we see verses the truth. We tend to post the good images -- a new job, an engagement, or vacation photos -- showcasing the victories in life. I don't think many of us post the days when it's just plain rough, for that would taint our image. Part of me thinks, Who cares? Why are we so concerned about the image the world sees of us? And when did it become more important than the image we have of ourselves?

I wonder what it would be like if we focused more on the images we have about ourselves -- both inside and out -- instead of stressing about the images others have created of us.

Disappointments as Appointments

The first week of summer is supposed to be awesome, right? Everyone is excited, making plans, enjoying the beautiful weather. After my half marathon, I thought I would be able to do all of these things. I would start a new workout plan, start tackling all of the cleaning, schedule appointments, and cross things off of my to-do list. I had a perfect vision of what my summer would look like. Instead of all of this, I ran into a few roadblocks. I’ve been feeling tired and, quite frankly, a little lost.

After running unnecessary errands and walking around my apartment for the past two days, it hit me. It’s summer, which means my schedule isn’t going to be the same. I know, I know, this shouldn’t be a huge epiphany. Yet for some reason, it took a couple of disappointing days for me to see the beauty of summer break. I can sleep in (hopefully until 8:00), stay up late (hopefully past 10:00), enjoy taking 2 hours to get ready for the day, spend some time writing and working on curriculum (in my favorite coffee shops), and travel to see friends and family. What I don’t necessarily need is a down-to-the-minute schedule.

This summer, I’m looking forward to doing things that I enjoy. The way I had it all planned out in my head is turning to be a little different, and at first, I was a little disappointing, but those disappointments soon turned into appointments with God, allowing Him to tell me to chill out and enjoy summer.

Only Half Crazy

This past weekend, I completed my first half marathon. Weeks ago, I was determined to follow a training scheduled that would ensure a successful race. I worked hard, and it paid off. My body was tested, but it was so worth it. I can't remember another time where I set and achieved a goal all on my own. As I pushed to the finish, tears fell down my face. I am proud of myself. It takes a strong person, both mentally and physically, to do what I've done.

Each mile I ran, I decided to dedicate to a person or group of people that have impacted my life. I spent that specific mile thinking about memories and praying. Here's a taste of my miles.

Mile 1: Grandma Earleen. I was in high school when she passed away, and it was extremely difficult. She was everyone's favorite, and the first person close to me to be taken away. I find peace knowing she's my guardian angel, guiding me as I grow into a strong woman. I hope to play Barbies with my kids and grandkids the same way she did with us. No matter what was going on, Grandma 'Leen gave it all up to spend time with us because we mattered to her.

Mile 2: My brother. Mike and I have always had a close bond because we're only two years apart in age. We've shared friends, night's out, funny stories, and even deep conversations. He may not always know how to go about talking to his sisters, but I know his heart is in the right place. No matter what, he's always going to be there for me; he'll always be my big brother. We continue to make memories, and I pray for him each day.

Mile 3: My students. Both past, present, and future, my students make me so happy. Yes, there are many challenges that come with being a teacher, but the rewards are so much greater. There are wonderful stories, frustrating moments, but at the end of the day, I want the best for each of them. They are my "kids," and I love them. I learn so much more from them than they'll ever know.

Mile 4: My best friend. Katherine is more than a best friend, she is my forever friend. We've known each other nearly our entire lives. We've been through everything together. We listen to each other and love unconditionally. Katherine knows what I need to hear before I can even think to ask. She's a fantastic runner and has helped encourage and guide me as a runner. I'm so thankful for our friendship. The many late nights, giggling, crying, and swapping of teacher stories belong to us, and I will forever hold them in my heart.

Mile 5: My college years. I made so many wonderful friends while at UNI. I have had amazing opportunities, and there have been many memories developed on and near that campus. They were some of the most difficult years of my life, and looking back, I'd have it no other way. I grew up in Cedar Falls, and the people that walked alongside me are so important.

Mile 6: My dad. There are so many things my dad has taught me -- more than a golf swing on the course or how to follow throw on the court. He's taught me about patience. Life doesn't hand us exactly what we want whenever we demand it. My dad is very patient with all of us. He knows when to speak up and help us and when to back off when we need to figure it out on our own. Most importantly, he's taught me about the importance of people and relationships. My dad keeps his friends for forever, he remembers the names of his students, and he makes people feel like they matter. He's touched so many lives through coaching and teacher. I only hope I can do the same.

Mile 7: Loved ones lost. A few very important family members have passed away in my lifetime: My cousin, Robby, Grandpa Bob, Grandma VR, and our dog, Molly. I was in college when my cousin died in a car accident. It was one of the hardest times of my life. He was a vibrant, sarcastic guy that is missed dearly. There is something missing at all of our family gatherings because we loved him so much. As I ran mile 7, they had flags to remember veterans, which was fitting because my Gpa Bob was a WWII vet. He was a man of little words, but we all felt loved when we visited him. My Gma VR loved shopping and was so creative. Most of my memories of her are in Von Maur or looking through her quilts. Lastly, Molly was the best dog ever. She was with us for 17 years, and we loved her so much (cue tears).

Mile 8: Grandpa VanRoekel. I have a pretty "special" relationship with my Gpa VR. I consider him to be an accountability buddy when it comes to my faith. He's helped me grow by answering questions, encouraging, but most importantly, by praying. While he has his quirks that some find hard to understand, he will always have a soft spot in my heart. I don't know what I'd do without him.

Mile 9: The people of Haiti. When I had the opportunity to go on a mission trip in Haiti, I had no idea how much impact it would have on me. It changed me, and I'll never be the same. God is so amazing, and He is working everywhere. The greatest lesson I learned in Haiti was that in the end, we all just want to be loved. We may speak different languages, come from different backgrounds, but when it comes down to it, loving and being kind is really all that matters.

Mile 10: My mom. At some point over the past few years, my mom became more than just a mom. She is my colleague for teacher talk, friend, accountability buddy, and prayer warrior. More than anything, she is my voice of reason and cheerleader. She has taught me about the importance of kindness. There isn't a day that goes by that she doesn't remind me that God is walking beside me and in front of me. My mom has always put us first. Her selflessness is what true love is all about.

Mile 11: My sister. I've always wanted to protect my sister from the "bad guys." Recently, I've realized that she's too old for that, and it's her turn to fight certain battles on her own. As a big sister, this is really hard. She is the most special person to me, my best friend. There really is no one that I want to see happier than Sarah. She is the most talented person I know, and I pray for her each day. She's our Goober and my Missy Boo. Plus, she's super funny.

Mile 12: Me and the strides I've made. By mile 12, I was dying. My feet hurt terribly, and the finish line couldn't come fast enough. But it was time to really reflect on all of my accomplishments. I am a teacher who loves my job. I worked hard to get to the school and position that I am in now. I am a runner. I am a friend, daughter, and sister. Most importantly, I realized that by accomplishing this half marathon, I can do anything.

Mile 13: Jesus Christ. I had to finish strong, and the only person who could get me through is my buddy, Jesus. I prayed...boy did I pray. God has placed some wonderful people in my life, but I'm most thankful for the relationship that I have with Him. Being a Christian has truly made me who I am. "I have fought the good fight, finished the race, and kept the faith." 2 Timothy 4:7

Until the next race...