Disappointments as Appointments

The first week of summer is supposed to be awesome, right? Everyone is excited, making plans, enjoying the beautiful weather. After my half marathon, I thought I would be able to do all of these things. I would start a new workout plan, start tackling all of the cleaning, schedule appointments, and cross things off of my to-do list. I had a perfect vision of what my summer would look like. Instead of all of this, I ran into a few roadblocks. I’ve been feeling tired and, quite frankly, a little lost.

After running unnecessary errands and walking around my apartment for the past two days, it hit me. It’s summer, which means my schedule isn’t going to be the same. I know, I know, this shouldn’t be a huge epiphany. Yet for some reason, it took a couple of disappointing days for me to see the beauty of summer break. I can sleep in (hopefully until 8:00), stay up late (hopefully past 10:00), enjoy taking 2 hours to get ready for the day, spend some time writing and working on curriculum (in my favorite coffee shops), and travel to see friends and family. What I don’t necessarily need is a down-to-the-minute schedule.

This summer, I’m looking forward to doing things that I enjoy. The way I had it all planned out in my head is turning to be a little different, and at first, I was a little disappointing, but those disappointments soon turned into appointments with God, allowing Him to tell me to chill out and enjoy summer.

Only Half Crazy

This past weekend, I completed my first half marathon. Weeks ago, I was determined to follow a training scheduled that would ensure a successful race. I worked hard, and it paid off. My body was tested, but it was so worth it. I can't remember another time where I set and achieved a goal all on my own. As I pushed to the finish, tears fell down my face. I am proud of myself. It takes a strong person, both mentally and physically, to do what I've done.

Each mile I ran, I decided to dedicate to a person or group of people that have impacted my life. I spent that specific mile thinking about memories and praying. Here's a taste of my miles.

Mile 1: Grandma Earleen. I was in high school when she passed away, and it was extremely difficult. She was everyone's favorite, and the first person close to me to be taken away. I find peace knowing she's my guardian angel, guiding me as I grow into a strong woman. I hope to play Barbies with my kids and grandkids the same way she did with us. No matter what was going on, Grandma 'Leen gave it all up to spend time with us because we mattered to her.

Mile 2: My brother. Mike and I have always had a close bond because we're only two years apart in age. We've shared friends, night's out, funny stories, and even deep conversations. He may not always know how to go about talking to his sisters, but I know his heart is in the right place. No matter what, he's always going to be there for me; he'll always be my big brother. We continue to make memories, and I pray for him each day.

Mile 3: My students. Both past, present, and future, my students make me so happy. Yes, there are many challenges that come with being a teacher, but the rewards are so much greater. There are wonderful stories, frustrating moments, but at the end of the day, I want the best for each of them. They are my "kids," and I love them. I learn so much more from them than they'll ever know.

Mile 4: My best friend. Katherine is more than a best friend, she is my forever friend. We've known each other nearly our entire lives. We've been through everything together. We listen to each other and love unconditionally. Katherine knows what I need to hear before I can even think to ask. She's a fantastic runner and has helped encourage and guide me as a runner. I'm so thankful for our friendship. The many late nights, giggling, crying, and swapping of teacher stories belong to us, and I will forever hold them in my heart.

Mile 5: My college years. I made so many wonderful friends while at UNI. I have had amazing opportunities, and there have been many memories developed on and near that campus. They were some of the most difficult years of my life, and looking back, I'd have it no other way. I grew up in Cedar Falls, and the people that walked alongside me are so important.

Mile 6: My dad. There are so many things my dad has taught me -- more than a golf swing on the course or how to follow throw on the court. He's taught me about patience. Life doesn't hand us exactly what we want whenever we demand it. My dad is very patient with all of us. He knows when to speak up and help us and when to back off when we need to figure it out on our own. Most importantly, he's taught me about the importance of people and relationships. My dad keeps his friends for forever, he remembers the names of his students, and he makes people feel like they matter. He's touched so many lives through coaching and teacher. I only hope I can do the same.

Mile 7: Loved ones lost. A few very important family members have passed away in my lifetime: My cousin, Robby, Grandpa Bob, Grandma VR, and our dog, Molly. I was in college when my cousin died in a car accident. It was one of the hardest times of my life. He was a vibrant, sarcastic guy that is missed dearly. There is something missing at all of our family gatherings because we loved him so much. As I ran mile 7, they had flags to remember veterans, which was fitting because my Gpa Bob was a WWII vet. He was a man of little words, but we all felt loved when we visited him. My Gma VR loved shopping and was so creative. Most of my memories of her are in Von Maur or looking through her quilts. Lastly, Molly was the best dog ever. She was with us for 17 years, and we loved her so much (cue tears).

Mile 8: Grandpa VanRoekel. I have a pretty "special" relationship with my Gpa VR. I consider him to be an accountability buddy when it comes to my faith. He's helped me grow by answering questions, encouraging, but most importantly, by praying. While he has his quirks that some find hard to understand, he will always have a soft spot in my heart. I don't know what I'd do without him.

Mile 9: The people of Haiti. When I had the opportunity to go on a mission trip in Haiti, I had no idea how much impact it would have on me. It changed me, and I'll never be the same. God is so amazing, and He is working everywhere. The greatest lesson I learned in Haiti was that in the end, we all just want to be loved. We may speak different languages, come from different backgrounds, but when it comes down to it, loving and being kind is really all that matters.

Mile 10: My mom. At some point over the past few years, my mom became more than just a mom. She is my colleague for teacher talk, friend, accountability buddy, and prayer warrior. More than anything, she is my voice of reason and cheerleader. She has taught me about the importance of kindness. There isn't a day that goes by that she doesn't remind me that God is walking beside me and in front of me. My mom has always put us first. Her selflessness is what true love is all about.

Mile 11: My sister. I've always wanted to protect my sister from the "bad guys." Recently, I've realized that she's too old for that, and it's her turn to fight certain battles on her own. As a big sister, this is really hard. She is the most special person to me, my best friend. There really is no one that I want to see happier than Sarah. She is the most talented person I know, and I pray for her each day. She's our Goober and my Missy Boo. Plus, she's super funny.

Mile 12: Me and the strides I've made. By mile 12, I was dying. My feet hurt terribly, and the finish line couldn't come fast enough. But it was time to really reflect on all of my accomplishments. I am a teacher who loves my job. I worked hard to get to the school and position that I am in now. I am a runner. I am a friend, daughter, and sister. Most importantly, I realized that by accomplishing this half marathon, I can do anything.

Mile 13: Jesus Christ. I had to finish strong, and the only person who could get me through is my buddy, Jesus. I prayed...boy did I pray. God has placed some wonderful people in my life, but I'm most thankful for the relationship that I have with Him. Being a Christian has truly made me who I am. "I have fought the good fight, finished the race, and kept the faith." 2 Timothy 4:7

Until the next race...

My Kids On This Mother's Day

After a quick yoga session this morning, I got ready and headed to church. I was feeling pretty excited to hear a message that would motivate me as we head into our last couple of weeks of school. To my dismay, the sermon was based solely on parenting. I realize that it is Mother's Day, and in no way do I want to take away from all of the love that they deserve. But I couldn't help but feel hurt by the words of the minister. Maybe I was reading into it, and I do realize that I am sensitive to the issue, but it doesn't make the pain any less real to me. I wasn't concentrating like I should as I counted down the minutes until we were dismissed. As I sat there, I couldn't help but think about all the mothers that have lost children, parents longing to have children but are unable, and other single people praying daily for families. This couldn't have been an easy hour for them either. Before I knew it, there were tears in my eyes. These feelings surface frequently, but I let them rest inside. I don't know how healthy that is, but I don't want to make my problems someone else's because I realize that everyone has their "thing." People are hurting for various reasons. It's our job to recognize that and be kind.

As I sit at Starbucks, I'm wondering what I can learn from this; how can I move forward from today's sermon? My mind is spinning as I realize that I just need to let it be. It's over, and it hurt, but the fact that I'm not a parent doesn't take away from all of the great aspects of my life. God is good, all the time. I will trust in that. 

On Friday, one of my students came into my room offering me a cupcake. She said it was for Mother's Day in which we both laughed knowing that I'm not a mother. No, I may not have my own children, but I always refer to my students as my kids because that's just what they are. They mean the world to me, and I am thankful to serve as a "mother" to them both in and out of the classroom. 

Time to move forward and have a happy Sunday. 

Soak It In

Currently, I have my "prep" at the beginning of the day. Seeing as I am a morning person, this has been working out quite well. In fact, I feel like I've been really productive already today!

Fridays have such a different feel. It's a little more relaxed and people tend to be in a better mood (obviously). This morning, a senior came in and asked me to look over his speech that he's preparing for the graduation ceremony. After finishing up some work, I read through it. He referenced a song by John Michael Montgomery called "Life's a Dance." I played it as I read though his thoughts. I had one of those moments where I thought, "How did I get so lucky to have this job?" I stopped, looked around because remembering to soak it all in is really important in teaching. The slower pace of most Fridays allow for this. This time of year can be kind of hectic, but for seniors, it can also be nostalgic. While most of them want to be done, I try to remind them to soak it in because these days won't happen again. 

Write Your Story

Setting Goals (And Keeping Them)

I just completed my long run for the week. Woohoo!! It was a bit windy and much hillier than I anticipated, but I did it! Currently, I am training for a half marathon at the end of May. I've trained for races before, but for some reason, I am more focused this time around. My current running mantra: "If it doesn't challenge you, it won't change you." (No, I didn't come up with that on my own.) Basically, I want to run better than I have before; I want to prove to myself that I can change by way of new challenges.

In order to be a good runner, it's important to fuel your body. Which means, I've cut out processed foods and been focusing on eating clean. I haven't always had a very good relationship with food, and I am learning to be gentle with myself. I make mistakes, but I'm trying much harder than I have before, and I'm feeling much better -- both physically and mentally. The way I've been holding myself accountable is by way of a challenge group on Facebook. Basically, we just report to the group what we eat each day, along with water intake and exercise. While my focus does seem greater, it's good to have a group that offers support. The idea of intuitive eating and putting real foods in my body that will fuel me has really been the driving force for me during this challenge.

As a high school teacher, we discuss goal setting quite a bit. The dreadful question "Where do you see yourself in five years?" seems to pop up in this process. While it is a good idea to think this through, I've learned that I can't make those decisions for someone else. I can nag, nag, nag, but if a student doesn't have the drive to achieve certain goals, that's his or her decision. Until someone really wants to set goals and make a change, it won't happen until that person is ready. I have a good friend that recently lost a significant amount of weight. I asked her what made her decide to make a change. There was a specific moment when she realized that she could no longer live with the extra weight; she decided to make a change. She set out on a challenge, and she continues to grow and change. What a great feeling!

Lastly, as a runner, it's hard not to get discouraged at times. For me, I'm not terribly fast. I wasn't born a runner, so it is a little bit more challenging compared to others. But the fact is, it's not about others. My race is just that: mine. Each time I go out, I am thankful for the ability to run. I try to soak in the scenery and enjoy the fact that my legs are able to move. Running is one of the aspects of my life that makes me feel normal. I'm proud to be a part of the running family and plan on continuing to push myself. When I want to quit, I thank God for the gift of running.

Reasons Our Plans Don't Work Out

It's frustrating when the plans in our head don't turn out the way we planned. These disruptions can even leave us anxious. Over the past few years, I've come to realize that the twenties are full of disrupted plans. As we graduate from college and begin to make our mark on the world, we have ideas about being successful, having a disposable income, and a thriving social life. What we don't think about are all of the trials that we are about to embrace. 

One of the reasons our plans don't work out is because we don't plan for trials. Upon my college graduation, I didn't think about financial issues, struggles finding the right career, or breakups with boyfriends. Those things simply weren't a part of my plan for obvious reasons. I'm not suggesting that we include adversities in our life plans, but I do think we need to be realistic when things pop up. Not only do we need to learn to be okay with them, we need to be thankful for them. There are reasons our plans are disrupted, mainly because it's not about our plan; it's about God's plan. Especially as we live out this Passion Week in the Christian church, we are reminded that God has the final say. Simply put, His plans are greater than ours. 

Just this morning, my devotional (Jesus Calling) read, "Thank me for troublesome situations; the peace they can produce far outweighs the trials you endure." These words couldn't be more true. Finding peace during the storms grows up closer to God, which as Christians, is our ultimate goal.