A Happy Age

The other day I was sitting around with a couple of seniors. We were just chatting about college, the future, and the expectations that they have. I remember being in that same boat and dreaming about all that the future held. One kid said to me, "I think I'll be okay at college." I probably looked at him funny because my only thought was, "Of course you will." I explained to him and the others that high school is not the best time of your life. It's all a part of the journey.

On one of my commutes to school this week, I was listening to talk radio. The people were talking about age and "figuring out" life. Someone shared that their best age has been 50. Everyone thinks that their 20s are the time of your life, but it's also a very messy time. I find that to be true. Yes, I'm young. I am in a selfish stage as I continue to work on the kinks. The funny thing is, as soon as I have one thing figured out, something else seems to be blocking me from happiness. For me, this is a confusing time. I'm striving to figure things out. Until then, I'm just living one day at a time.

Lazy Day

Welp, today has been really lazy. For some reason, I just couldn't motivate myself. Normally, this would bother me, but I can say that I thoroughly enjoyed lounging and watching HGTV for the majority of the day. (I did make it to spin/kickboxing class this morning too.)

Tomorrow is my school's graduation ceremony. I am excited for this year's seniors, and I will miss them a lot next year. Overall, they are a great group of kids, and I was happy to have them the last two years. The end of the year is stressful and emotional, which I believe is why I'm so tired today.

With all of that said, I have some news to share. I have accepted a job at a new school that will be closer to my friends and family. It's a bigger district, and I am excited for all of the positive changes that are about to take place. It hasn't all hit me yet, but when I think about the future, I start to smile. It is bittersweet as I leave my first school, but mostly sweet. I'm ready to grow personally and professionally.

The interviewing and worrying that has come along with not knowing has definitely added to the stress of the last few weeks. I truly think I will sleep for five days straight when the year is over. (Our last day is Thursday!) I am hoping to spend a lot of the summer with the people that matter most to me. I also hope to work on my self-esteem and body image. It's going to be a good summer.

As for my eating today... it was okay. I laid around and snacked my way through the day. Saturdays are hard for me. I long for structure, but I know that I am a work in progress!

Cheers to a lazy day!

Oh, and cheers to the class of 2014!!

Some Changes

** Disclaimer: I'm taking a bit of shift in subject matter. **

When I moved to college, I developed an unhealthy relationship with food. I was afraid of gaining weight, and it resulted in extreme measures in order to be thin. It's a time in my life that continues to haunt me. The feelings and memories are still raw years later. It left me bruised, not broken.

As the years went on, I found a weight that was much more suitable for me; however, my relationship with food didn't really change. Each piece of bread, chunk of cake, handful of carrots were a math problem waiting to happen. The calorie counting has become an obsession. I have always been jealous of people that eat until they're full or don't constantly think about meal planning. To be honest, I love to hate it. I find nutrition and fitness very interesting, and I read a lot about it; however, I still struggle with putting the right things in my body. It's a game I play with myself, and to be frank, I'm ready to stop playing. 

I woke up in the middle of the night with a pounding headache. This is not normal for me, and I attributed it to the heaping bowl of ice cream I had before bed. Ugh. Like many times before, I realized that I need to make some changes. I have discussed this with my mom before, expressing how it's hard living by myself. There is no one to cook with or keep me "in-check." That's where this blog comes in. I don't want to turn this into a food-obsessed place, but I think it will be good for me to write about what I'm eating, how I'm feeling when I eat. I know it's good to record in a food journal -- if you bite it, write it. 

Today, I want to start with some goals:

1. Build a healthy relationship with food. I don't want to hate myself for eating three brownies -- why? Because that's not normal, and I don't want to do it. I want to have a balance (hence the name of this blog). I want to eat until I'm full and be done. Food is meant to be fuel, not comfort. How will I do this? Eat slower and mindfully. By writing it down, that will help me see why I'm eating and how I'm feeling.

2. Feel better, run better, get more sleep. I have noticed that it's harder for me to sleep. I haven't been running well, and I feel stressed. All of these contribute to icky foods making their way into my body. I have gained unwanted weight, and I have lost confidence. I don't want to do as much anymore, and I hate this. It's summer, and I will have more time to be around people and be active. I deserve better. 

3. Trim it up. This goes without saying, right? Well, I'm ready to make some changes. 

Day one, bring it on!!

What Easter Means to Me

When people ask what my favorite holiday is, I always answer, "Easter." I won't lie, I usually get a funny look. It takes a little bit of an explanation for them to understand -- or at least pretend to understand. Explaining the meaning of Easter exposes my faith, and this isn't always easy. In fact, it took years before I could be honest about my faith. Was I ashamed? Not at all. There are just some people that don't "get it." Faith and spirituality is not always an easy subject to discuss. Some people shut down, others get defensive, and many nod in appreciation. We are all on a different walk in our spiritual journey.

So, why is Easter my favorite holiday? Because it represents all things good about being a Christian. It showcases all that God stands for -- love. Yep, He gave His only son to wash away our sins because He LOVES us tremendously. Love.

There is also a freshness that comes along with Easter. It could be the springtime air, the smiles of those worshiping, or the budding flowers. We are washed clean of our sins by accepting Christ to guide our daily lives. Give us this day -- each day. Renewal.

There is someone dear to me that is struggling, without faith. This person is trying to do things alone. Let me tell you, alone is a very sad place to be. While I feel pretty helpless in the situation, I still pray. It's my only hope -- this person's only hope. Living for earthly things offers temporary rewards, but living for Christ allows us eternal life. Hope.

Easter is a time of celebrating the sacrifice God made for us because He loves us -- all of us. God sees all of our imperfections, but loves us anyway. He loves us more than we can ever imagine. This Easter, I challenge you to bathe in the greatness of Him. Love, renewal, hope -- this is what Easter means to me.

Because It Matters

I have to start off by saying this post is not directed toward anyone in particular. Nor am I irritated or frustrated in any way. This is simply something that I have always felt strongly about :-)

Currently, I am coaching junior high girls track. I have really started to love it. Not only do I get to create workouts for the girls, but we are becoming a little family. When it comes to extra-curricular activities, it is important for kids to be involved in something. It doesn't matter if it's a club that meets once a month, a sports team that has two-a-days, or a youth group that meets after school. What matters is that kids are a part of something; they need to feel like they belong, that they matter. Why? Because not only do they matter, what they do matters.

What bothers me beyond words is when people "diss" a group or a certain kid that is involved in a group. "You guys don't do anything in track." "Golf isn't even a sport." "Only goodie-goods are in student council." "You know the kind of people that go out for the play." No... actually I don't. In fact, I don't understand at all what gives one person the right to knock down another person based on the activities he or she may participate in. These sports and clubs are important -- each one of them. Just because the school doesn't put a lot of money into a specific one doesn't make it any less important. It doesn't mean that they work those people put into that group matters any less. Why do I say this? Because it does matter. We all matter and so do the activities that we participate in. Everyone deserves to feel appreciated, and that is one of the best parts about being a part of a sport or club. People get together with a common interest and create lasting bonds and memories. It's a really neat part of life, and no one has the right to put anyone else down. Bottom line:

But It's Simple

Last night I went with a friend to see "God's Not Dead." To be honest, I hadn't even heard of the movie until last Friday when a student suggested I see it. A quick movie synopsis: College freshman, Josh, is being forced to make an argument for the existence of God to a philosophy class taught by a stubborn atheist professor. As he takes on the challenge, stories of Christians weave together throughout the movie. It showcases how far some Christians have to go in order to defend their faith.

Overall, I enjoyed the movie. There were times when it was a little over-the-top, but the message was straight-forward and touching. It really made me think about how I show my faith to those around me -- Am I a light? Also, would I go to the lengths that the main character did in order to defend what I believe in?

There was a part in the movie when Josh is make his decision on whether or not to accept this challenge. The answer he gets from his minister is far from complex, and Josh was expecting a little more guidance. The minister's answer: "It's not easy. But it's simple." Living out a Christian life is not meant to be hard; there are not a lot of hoops to jump through. In fact, it's rather simple if you ask me -- Love the way He loves me. Treat others with respect. Spread the word of God through words, but also through actions.

Don't complicate things.

The Silver Lining

This morning, I woke up thinking: "This is not the way it is supposed to be." I have been stressing out, moping about over things that I have little control over. I had to run 8 miles for my half-marathon training, so I decided to listen to a podcast as I laced up my running shoes. It was a youth sermon based on God's Plan. It's something I have been wrestling a lot with lately -- trusting God's plan and realizing that I need to live out His purpose. 

While the sermon was very rich, a few things stood out to me. The minister had two teenagers do a demonstration where one directed the other to take steps forward, left, and right. He used this to show that we don't always know why we take the steps God has planned. In fact, to us it might seem as though we are moving back and forth. The best part is that He does know. He is planning each step, and sometimes His steps keep us from getting hurt or being put in the wrong situation. 

Also, God doesn't make mistakes. We take risks and it sometimes feels like we fail. If we have accepted Christ and have decided to live out His purpose, then there are no such thing as failures. It is all simply a part of the grand plan.

I don't know what is next for me, but what I do know is my prayer is: