Some Changes

** Disclaimer: I'm taking a bit of shift in subject matter. **

When I moved to college, I developed an unhealthy relationship with food. I was afraid of gaining weight, and it resulted in extreme measures in order to be thin. It's a time in my life that continues to haunt me. The feelings and memories are still raw years later. It left me bruised, not broken.

As the years went on, I found a weight that was much more suitable for me; however, my relationship with food didn't really change. Each piece of bread, chunk of cake, handful of carrots were a math problem waiting to happen. The calorie counting has become an obsession. I have always been jealous of people that eat until they're full or don't constantly think about meal planning. To be honest, I love to hate it. I find nutrition and fitness very interesting, and I read a lot about it; however, I still struggle with putting the right things in my body. It's a game I play with myself, and to be frank, I'm ready to stop playing. 

I woke up in the middle of the night with a pounding headache. This is not normal for me, and I attributed it to the heaping bowl of ice cream I had before bed. Ugh. Like many times before, I realized that I need to make some changes. I have discussed this with my mom before, expressing how it's hard living by myself. There is no one to cook with or keep me "in-check." That's where this blog comes in. I don't want to turn this into a food-obsessed place, but I think it will be good for me to write about what I'm eating, how I'm feeling when I eat. I know it's good to record in a food journal -- if you bite it, write it. 

Today, I want to start with some goals:

1. Build a healthy relationship with food. I don't want to hate myself for eating three brownies -- why? Because that's not normal, and I don't want to do it. I want to have a balance (hence the name of this blog). I want to eat until I'm full and be done. Food is meant to be fuel, not comfort. How will I do this? Eat slower and mindfully. By writing it down, that will help me see why I'm eating and how I'm feeling.

2. Feel better, run better, get more sleep. I have noticed that it's harder for me to sleep. I haven't been running well, and I feel stressed. All of these contribute to icky foods making their way into my body. I have gained unwanted weight, and I have lost confidence. I don't want to do as much anymore, and I hate this. It's summer, and I will have more time to be around people and be active. I deserve better. 

3. Trim it up. This goes without saying, right? Well, I'm ready to make some changes. 

Day one, bring it on!!