It All Comes Full Circle

When I woke up today, it felt like summer. I didn't sleep well because I had a lot of things on my mind, but I realized in my restlessness that it didn't really matter. Realistically, I can nap all day. Jealous? Don't worry; I'll be bored by Thursday.

One of the things on my mind is our upcoming 10 year class reunion (which I am in charge of). It really won't be a huge hassle, but I want to make sure it's done right. As I pondered the details, I couldn't help but think how things come full circle. Two weekends ago, I was watching my senior students walk across their stage. I am so proud of them, and it is one of the neatest parts of being a teacher. I thought back to my HS graduation. Did my teachers feel the same way? I'm pretty certain they did, and now I get it. I am a part of those teachers that help transform students. I get to leave imprints on students, just as my teachers did for me.

Another item on my to-do list is my living arrangements for next year. This summer is going to be filled with transitions, and if you know anything about me, I'm not a fan of this. I like schedules and knowing what's next, but that's not what life is all about. I am going to be moving to a new area, teaching at a new school, and finding a new normal. Part of me Most of me is very excited about this, while another part is slightly anxious. I know these are all "normal" feelings, but they are still pretty evident.

The day I left my old school, I mailed the signed contract back to my new school. Once again, it all comes full circle. Life is about changes, and that is the best part!

P.S. Why is it humid already? Oh, Iowa, how I did miss your summers.

New Beginnings

Yesterday was my last day teaching at my current district. To be honest, it was much more difficult than I had expected. It was filled with kind words, many hugs, and a few tears. As I drove away in my car for the last time, I felt appreciated and touched by all of those that I left behind.

Last night I was beyond exhausted. I also felt a little lost (probably because I was so tired). I started to wonder about how I was going to fill my time this summer and what goals I wanted to set for myself. All the while, my mind kept bouncing back to my students. I really will miss them a great deal.

After a pretty good night's sleep, I made my way to the gym for a sweaty workout. I just finished up getting my nails and hair done. (I'm spoiling myself.) As always, my hair stylist and I chatted away. As she finished up giving me a new look, she said, "New hair for new beginnings!" I couldn't have said it better myself. This summer is going to be full of new beginnings. For some reason I woke up with a new outlook on things. I'm still feeling a little tired, so I plan on resting this weekend.

This post is a little disorganized, but I really didn't know where I wanted to go with it. All I can say right now is, here's to new beginnings!

Last Day Eve

I'm sitting in my classroom on eve of the last day of school. Not only is it the last day of school for the year, but it is my last day at my current district. I have everything packed up, which I was reluctant to do, mostly because I didn't want the kids to think I wanted to scoot out the door as soon as possible. The truth is, I am going to miss them the most. I have spent the past two years getting to know them, and we are comfortable with one another. They can sense all the changes, and it's going to take some adjusting to next year. But, life is about change.

I'm not sure how tomorrow will go. I'm sure it will be a mixture of emotions, but overall, it will be bittersweet. Bitter because I will be leaving people that I care about. Sweet because I'm really looking forward to the future. I definitely have the sense that it is time to move on.

As I embrace the last day, I want to take in each class period. I want to soak it all in -- every conversation, every laugh, every memory. This school will always be very special to me.

Nearing the End

Congratulations Class of 2014! As I drove home after the ceremony, I couldn't help but smile when I thought about the kids. The seniors this year were enjoyable for many reasons. Their personalities were vibrant and contagious. While they did test my limits, I looked forward to seeing them each day.

The ceremony itself was perfect. It was the right mixture of tears and laughter. I couldn't be more proud of the kids. I am excited for them as they begin the next part of their journeys.

It started to hit me that this is my last week at my first school. It's been a crazy couple of years full of learning, stress, and laughter. I've grown so much as a teacher and person. Many times I think I learned more from my students than they did from me. With that said, I am ready to move on; there are things that I won't miss. But, there are some things that I will miss. Mostly, I will miss the kids. We have built great relationships -- we've shared stories, learned about each other. My only conclusion is that they are wonderful teenagers that will soon develop into young adults. I am excited for all of them, and I truly hope they stay in touch. 

I started to really think about my growth, and I can honestly say that I am proud of myself. There were times when it was tough. There were sleepless nights, stressful class periods, ornery teenagers, and days when I questioned what I was doing. But for the most part, I have thoroughly enjoyed my time at this school. It's been a time for me to gain confidence in the classroom. I'm no longer scared of teenagers... well, for the most part ;-) More than anything, I learned how important it is to care for others. I've learned how listening to kids makes the biggest difference. When it comes down to it, we all just want to be loved. That's what I did... everyday. I loved and cared for these kids (even when it was hard to), and I will continue to do that. Next year, I will have a whole new group of kids to care about, but I will always have a very special place in my heart for this school. 

We are nearing the end; this week is my last week. I'm not really even sure how I feel at this point. I am just going to take each day as it comes. I am going to love and enjoy each moment.

A Happy Age

The other day I was sitting around with a couple of seniors. We were just chatting about college, the future, and the expectations that they have. I remember being in that same boat and dreaming about all that the future held. One kid said to me, "I think I'll be okay at college." I probably looked at him funny because my only thought was, "Of course you will." I explained to him and the others that high school is not the best time of your life. It's all a part of the journey.

On one of my commutes to school this week, I was listening to talk radio. The people were talking about age and "figuring out" life. Someone shared that their best age has been 50. Everyone thinks that their 20s are the time of your life, but it's also a very messy time. I find that to be true. Yes, I'm young. I am in a selfish stage as I continue to work on the kinks. The funny thing is, as soon as I have one thing figured out, something else seems to be blocking me from happiness. For me, this is a confusing time. I'm striving to figure things out. Until then, I'm just living one day at a time.

Lazy Day

Welp, today has been really lazy. For some reason, I just couldn't motivate myself. Normally, this would bother me, but I can say that I thoroughly enjoyed lounging and watching HGTV for the majority of the day. (I did make it to spin/kickboxing class this morning too.)

Tomorrow is my school's graduation ceremony. I am excited for this year's seniors, and I will miss them a lot next year. Overall, they are a great group of kids, and I was happy to have them the last two years. The end of the year is stressful and emotional, which I believe is why I'm so tired today.

With all of that said, I have some news to share. I have accepted a job at a new school that will be closer to my friends and family. It's a bigger district, and I am excited for all of the positive changes that are about to take place. It hasn't all hit me yet, but when I think about the future, I start to smile. It is bittersweet as I leave my first school, but mostly sweet. I'm ready to grow personally and professionally.

The interviewing and worrying that has come along with not knowing has definitely added to the stress of the last few weeks. I truly think I will sleep for five days straight when the year is over. (Our last day is Thursday!) I am hoping to spend a lot of the summer with the people that matter most to me. I also hope to work on my self-esteem and body image. It's going to be a good summer.

As for my eating today... it was okay. I laid around and snacked my way through the day. Saturdays are hard for me. I long for structure, but I know that I am a work in progress!

Cheers to a lazy day!

Oh, and cheers to the class of 2014!!

Some Changes

** Disclaimer: I'm taking a bit of shift in subject matter. **

When I moved to college, I developed an unhealthy relationship with food. I was afraid of gaining weight, and it resulted in extreme measures in order to be thin. It's a time in my life that continues to haunt me. The feelings and memories are still raw years later. It left me bruised, not broken.

As the years went on, I found a weight that was much more suitable for me; however, my relationship with food didn't really change. Each piece of bread, chunk of cake, handful of carrots were a math problem waiting to happen. The calorie counting has become an obsession. I have always been jealous of people that eat until they're full or don't constantly think about meal planning. To be honest, I love to hate it. I find nutrition and fitness very interesting, and I read a lot about it; however, I still struggle with putting the right things in my body. It's a game I play with myself, and to be frank, I'm ready to stop playing. 

I woke up in the middle of the night with a pounding headache. This is not normal for me, and I attributed it to the heaping bowl of ice cream I had before bed. Ugh. Like many times before, I realized that I need to make some changes. I have discussed this with my mom before, expressing how it's hard living by myself. There is no one to cook with or keep me "in-check." That's where this blog comes in. I don't want to turn this into a food-obsessed place, but I think it will be good for me to write about what I'm eating, how I'm feeling when I eat. I know it's good to record in a food journal -- if you bite it, write it. 

Today, I want to start with some goals:

1. Build a healthy relationship with food. I don't want to hate myself for eating three brownies -- why? Because that's not normal, and I don't want to do it. I want to have a balance (hence the name of this blog). I want to eat until I'm full and be done. Food is meant to be fuel, not comfort. How will I do this? Eat slower and mindfully. By writing it down, that will help me see why I'm eating and how I'm feeling.

2. Feel better, run better, get more sleep. I have noticed that it's harder for me to sleep. I haven't been running well, and I feel stressed. All of these contribute to icky foods making their way into my body. I have gained unwanted weight, and I have lost confidence. I don't want to do as much anymore, and I hate this. It's summer, and I will have more time to be around people and be active. I deserve better. 

3. Trim it up. This goes without saying, right? Well, I'm ready to make some changes. 

Day one, bring it on!!