The Next Right Step

Recently, I have found myself re-reading parts of Regina Brett’s God Never Blinks: 50 Lessons for Life’s Little Detours. I read it in college, and in many ways, it changed my life…at least at that point. The past few days I’ve had a few random things thrown at me that have left me unsettled. In my eyes, they are worries that I don’t need to carry. To be honest, I feel like I have tried to do what is right. I’m a responsible person that others can count on, and for some reason it’s all kind of being thrown back in my face. It’s hard, and I’ve been getting pretty down on myself. Then I read Regina Brett’s Lesson 2: When in doubt, do the next right step. Just like the headlights on a car, we can only see so far. We do the next right step in order to continue on our journey. We don’t know what is beyond the headlights, but we trust our journey will turn out as planned. 

“It’s scary to make major changes, but we usually have enough courage to take the next right step. One small step and then another. That’s what it takes to raise a child, to get a degree, to write a book, to do whatever it is your heart desires.” 

I don’t know why things have been going the way they have. I’m sure there is some underlying lesson I will learn from all of this, but until that is clear to me, I need to remember to make the next right step. 

"Teenagers These Days"

There have been at least two instances this summer when I’ve talked to another adult about “teenagers these days.” Each time I left feeling more and more frustrated. A few of the comments I’ve heard are that teenagers don’t care about what’s going on in the world, they’re mean to one another, and they’re disrespectful.

*Cue soapbox.

I’ll go ahead and tackle these three comments in particular. First of all, the teenage brain is not fully developed. They all have an egotistical mindset because that is a part of growing up. They tend to live day-to-day, sometimes disregarding that what they do today will affect tomorrow. Once again, most of that is due to their brain development. Is this frustrating (especially as a teacher)? Yes! Of course it is, but that is just the nature of the beast. To say that they don’t care about what’s going on in the world is a general statement. How many teenagers in the last century were watching the news and partaking in political debates at the lunch table? I’m guessing very few. That is a personal interest. Some people follow elections, others don’t. As adults, it’s our job to help inform teenagers. We are mentors still learning ourselves; therefore, having open discussions to inform and debate are important.

Secondly, teenagers are no meaner than adults. In fact, I know more adults that are judgmental and cenacle than teenagers. The whole notion of “bullying” has gotten out of control. People are mean for many reasons such as their own personal insecurities. It has nothing to do with age. It has nothing to do with technology. The same issues have been going on for years, but as our society evolves, these issues just look different. Texting and social media heightens many issues, but to be fair, adults have no idea what it would be like to grow up in an environment that that is constantly busy. We can access anything we want to know, anyone we want to see in an instant. To say that teenagers are “mean” is simply unfair.

Lastly, some teenagers can be disrespectful. I understand that. There have been times when I have been speechless at comments I’ve heard. But once again, it’s highly unfair to put that stamp on the entire generation. Don’t you think that our grandparents said some of the same things about us when we were in high school? Generations prior to the teenagers of today were just different. Excuse the cliché, but it’s like comparing apples to oranges. For as many disrespectful kids I’ve had, there have been a dozen respectful ones. I have countless stories of teenagers working hard, persevering, exceeding expectations, and making me laugh. I have goosebumps right now just thinking about all of the amazing discussions, smart papers, and witty remarks I’ve heard over the past few years.

It’s time we stop discounting teenagers. They can be insightful, kind, and clever. Why not give them some credit instead of constantly putting them down? By doing that, we’re no worse than them.

It's Me Time

I'm not a mother. I don't know what it's like to have a child of my own; however, I do know what it's like to constantly put other's needs in front of my own. I use this example because there are times when other mothers assume things about me. For instance, some assume I'm not busy. Others believe that I'm missing out. Others don't assume anything at all. It's always been something that irritates me. I'm not broken because I don't have children. It just hasn't been my time yet.

Recently, I've been trying something new; I've been putting my own needs before others. I may seem selfish, but the fact is, I can. I am a single woman trying to figure things out. The only way I can do that is to try things, mess up, learn, and move on. These opportunities that have been presenting themselves to me will not last forever. They may lead me down the wrong path, but the cool thing is, they may lead me right where I need to be. Life is crazy like that.

It's funny because I never thought I would be an independent woman. It's not that I thought I was weak, but I've always had someone looking after me. Don't get me wrong, I needed that at the time, but at some point in the past few years, I found myself figuring out quite a bit by myself. I've failed...a lot, but I own all of those failures.

After graduating college, I envisioned myself settling down and starting a family. For many reasons, that just didn't happen. A relationship fell apart, I went back to college to pursue college, and I moved around to find my fit. Some day, I want to be a mother, and I pray that it will happen. Until then, I am learning to enjoy the opportunities and people that God is giving me. I'm learning to do things for myself and enjoy my independence.

Last weekend, I went out with some friends back in my college town. It's always bittersweet. I miss it, but I also realize that those memories, people, and experiences will forever be in my heart.

Moving Forward

In high school, I was on the golf team. I grew up on the course, whether it was riding along in the cart, working at the club, or playing a round or two myself. Golf is one of the only sports where you have the opportunity to walk along and talk with your competitor. While this was not always the case, sometimes it made the sport fun. I met a lot of girls with a wide variety of skills and personalities.

One time, I was walking along side my competition after she had hit an unimpressive worm-burner. She looked over at me and said, "Oh well. My dad always tells me that as long as I'm not hitting it backwards, I'm doing alright." I'm not sure why this comment has stuck with me over the years, but I'm realizing that it applies far beyond the course. No one wants to go backwards -- not when you're golfing, not in life.

Someone once told me that he didn't want to make lateral moves. At the time, I didn't think much of it. I suppose I hadn't really even thought about which direction I was heading. Now it makes a little more sense. We want the choices we make in life to move us forward. There's nothing wrong with looking back because we can learn from past situations. This in turn helps us to move forward as opposed to sideways or even backwards.

Today I am moving to a new place. I'll be teaching in the same school district; I just needed to move for personal reasons. Yesterday I began second guessing my decision. I started to question whether the move was lateral. I might be downsizing in terms of space, but personally, this is something that I need to do. I've put my career first for a while, and it's now time to think about myself. While I still intend to pour my heart and soul into teaching, I also realize that it's also important for me to be my best self. My physical move will also be moving me forward personally.

Being Okay with the Swerve

Sometimes I feel behind. Ideally, I wouldn't have gone to college twice. Yes, I did earn to bachelor degrees, but it did take me longer than I had anticipated. In many ways, it set me back both professionally and socially. The silver lining: I learned a lot in both my education and in life. As I look back, I try not to dwell on my decisions (or indecisions). Every path I have taken as leaded me to where I am today. God has paved the way for me, and He continues to lead me each day.

In the minister's sermon this morning, he talked about taking gravel roads verses interstates and highways. Visually, this all started to make sense to me. I know people that have mapped out their lives and stayed pretty close to those direct routes. Yes, they have made a few pit stops along the way, but for the most part, they (seemingly) have had a pretty smooth ride. Sounds nice, doesn't it? Well, I wouldn't really know because I've been on the gravel roads for most of my life. I'm not complaining, nor do I believe that I've had a hard life. The fact is, I've been swerving around trying to figure out quite a bit on my own. It's allowed me to become an independent woman, something I never thought I would be. My route may not be the most direct, but it's mine. The order of things may be different from what I had in mind. The amount of time it's taken me to figure things out may not always be very efficient, but it's allowed me to learn. 

As I write this, I realize that all of these "setbacks" have shaped me and continue to do so. The important thing to remember is that God is behind all of them. He doesn't have "setbacks." All things work together for good for those that love God (Romans 8:28). Yes, I may be swerving more than others, but God is teaching me and guiding me through. Learning to trust is not always easy, but surrendering my life to Him was the best decision I've ever made.

"In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight." (Proverbs 3:6)

Life Just Sucks Sometimes

If I had a dollar for every time someone told me that life isn't fair...well, you get the picture. The truth is, life just isn't fun sometimes. But the good news is summed up in one of my favorite phrases, "It's a bad day, not a bad life." Recently, I've had a few different personal issues that I can't really shake. These issues are following me and a few of the people that I love. It's hard to continue on when life seems so easy for those around you. While it may just be a masked image, it still can hurt and seems nearly impossible not to play the comparison game.

As I grow older, I realize more that everyone has their thing. It may not seem like a big thing to us, but it's still their own hurt that they carry. I don't like when people say, "The things you complain about someone else may be praying for." Just because their problem looks "bigger" than someone that you are struggling with doesn't mean you can't hurt. You own whatever struggles come your way. Whether it's a health issue, change in jobs, or even as small as an argument at work. You have every right to hurt. We need to realize that life just sucks sometimes, and there is a reason it does. God gives us these struggles because it's not supposed to be easy on this side of heaven. We are imperfect sinners. The important part is that we accept His grace and continually ask for forgiveness.

Yes, life sucks sometimes, and that's okay. But it's not okay to get stuck in this times. At some point, we need to pull ourselves out of our slumps. It's going to be hard, but life is meant to be lived. While it may seem that you are constantly being dealt a bad hand, you're strong enough because God is not only walking alongside of you, but also in front of you. One day at a time, things will get better.

Another One Bites the Dust

Only a few days into summer, and I've already completed one book! Once I get going on a book, it begins to consume my life. I'm not sure how healthy this is; I suppose there are worse things :-) A good novel, for me, is mostly based on the characters. I'm always amazed at the craft of characterization. I mean, how does an author make me feel so connected to the characters in a novel? If you ask me, that's a very hard skill to master. Last summer, I went to a reading where the author described the process behind her characters. It was very interesting, and it made me realize that it's not always a "plop my laptop down and begin typing" situation, but rather, a process. I kind of love that about it too because this shows that not just anyone can be a published author.

You're probably wondering what book I read! Me Before You by Jojo Moyes was recommended to me by a friend, and I would do the same to someone else. The story is based around a relationship between a quadriplegic and his caregiver. It was nothing like I thought it was going to be, and it was interesting to read about the different perspectives. I loved how the characters developed, not only individually, but as they grew together.

One of the quotes from the novel got me thinking (surprise, surprise) was, "You only get one life. It's actually your duty to live it as full as possible." Understanding the story and getting to know the characters changes this for me, but it's something that anyone can relate to. It's so easy to get into a routine and, for lack of a better term, "settle." I am guilty of this, but this just reminded me that that's not what life is about. Not only that, but it is our duty to do something bigger. We only have one life on this side of heaven, so it's important that we fill it with what matters.

As I finished the novel, I was crying. I was sad for the characters, but also for myself because it was over. I always get so emotionally attached to characters. Someone needs to remind me that they aren't real people. In that sense, another one bites the dust.

A Simple Image

In my American Literature class, we briefly study Imagism. The reason we only study it for one or two days is because the period itself only lasted from about 1912-1917. Ezra Pound, along with some of his colleagues, were aiming for clarity of expression through images through literature. One of the most famous poems during this time was "The Red Wheelbarrow" by William Carlos Williams. He constructs the poem by using a mere 16 words to express the simple image of a wheelbarrow. Now, most of my students like this poem because it is so short, but some like it for other reasons. The image it creates in their minds is simple, and in a world where things are anything but, that is kind of comforting. 

These authors created images through words, but it got me thinking about how we create our images. Yes, there is social media, and I'm not one to rag on its effects on society. It's a part of the world we live in, but I do think it's important to think about the images we see verses the truth. We tend to post the good images -- a new job, an engagement, or vacation photos -- showcasing the victories in life. I don't think many of us post the days when it's just plain rough, for that would taint our image. Part of me thinks, Who cares? Why are we so concerned about the image the world sees of us? And when did it become more important than the image we have of ourselves?

I wonder what it would be like if we focused more on the images we have about ourselves -- both inside and out -- instead of stressing about the images others have created of us.

Disappointments as Appointments

The first week of summer is supposed to be awesome, right? Everyone is excited, making plans, enjoying the beautiful weather. After my half marathon, I thought I would be able to do all of these things. I would start a new workout plan, start tackling all of the cleaning, schedule appointments, and cross things off of my to-do list. I had a perfect vision of what my summer would look like. Instead of all of this, I ran into a few roadblocks. I’ve been feeling tired and, quite frankly, a little lost.

After running unnecessary errands and walking around my apartment for the past two days, it hit me. It’s summer, which means my schedule isn’t going to be the same. I know, I know, this shouldn’t be a huge epiphany. Yet for some reason, it took a couple of disappointing days for me to see the beauty of summer break. I can sleep in (hopefully until 8:00), stay up late (hopefully past 10:00), enjoy taking 2 hours to get ready for the day, spend some time writing and working on curriculum (in my favorite coffee shops), and travel to see friends and family. What I don’t necessarily need is a down-to-the-minute schedule.

This summer, I’m looking forward to doing things that I enjoy. The way I had it all planned out in my head is turning to be a little different, and at first, I was a little disappointing, but those disappointments soon turned into appointments with God, allowing Him to tell me to chill out and enjoy summer.

Only Half Crazy

This past weekend, I completed my first half marathon. Weeks ago, I was determined to follow a training scheduled that would ensure a successful race. I worked hard, and it paid off. My body was tested, but it was so worth it. I can't remember another time where I set and achieved a goal all on my own. As I pushed to the finish, tears fell down my face. I am proud of myself. It takes a strong person, both mentally and physically, to do what I've done.

Each mile I ran, I decided to dedicate to a person or group of people that have impacted my life. I spent that specific mile thinking about memories and praying. Here's a taste of my miles.

Mile 1: Grandma Earleen. I was in high school when she passed away, and it was extremely difficult. She was everyone's favorite, and the first person close to me to be taken away. I find peace knowing she's my guardian angel, guiding me as I grow into a strong woman. I hope to play Barbies with my kids and grandkids the same way she did with us. No matter what was going on, Grandma 'Leen gave it all up to spend time with us because we mattered to her.

Mile 2: My brother. Mike and I have always had a close bond because we're only two years apart in age. We've shared friends, night's out, funny stories, and even deep conversations. He may not always know how to go about talking to his sisters, but I know his heart is in the right place. No matter what, he's always going to be there for me; he'll always be my big brother. We continue to make memories, and I pray for him each day.

Mile 3: My students. Both past, present, and future, my students make me so happy. Yes, there are many challenges that come with being a teacher, but the rewards are so much greater. There are wonderful stories, frustrating moments, but at the end of the day, I want the best for each of them. They are my "kids," and I love them. I learn so much more from them than they'll ever know.

Mile 4: My best friend. Katherine is more than a best friend, she is my forever friend. We've known each other nearly our entire lives. We've been through everything together. We listen to each other and love unconditionally. Katherine knows what I need to hear before I can even think to ask. She's a fantastic runner and has helped encourage and guide me as a runner. I'm so thankful for our friendship. The many late nights, giggling, crying, and swapping of teacher stories belong to us, and I will forever hold them in my heart.

Mile 5: My college years. I made so many wonderful friends while at UNI. I have had amazing opportunities, and there have been many memories developed on and near that campus. They were some of the most difficult years of my life, and looking back, I'd have it no other way. I grew up in Cedar Falls, and the people that walked alongside me are so important.

Mile 6: My dad. There are so many things my dad has taught me -- more than a golf swing on the course or how to follow throw on the court. He's taught me about patience. Life doesn't hand us exactly what we want whenever we demand it. My dad is very patient with all of us. He knows when to speak up and help us and when to back off when we need to figure it out on our own. Most importantly, he's taught me about the importance of people and relationships. My dad keeps his friends for forever, he remembers the names of his students, and he makes people feel like they matter. He's touched so many lives through coaching and teacher. I only hope I can do the same.

Mile 7: Loved ones lost. A few very important family members have passed away in my lifetime: My cousin, Robby, Grandpa Bob, Grandma VR, and our dog, Molly. I was in college when my cousin died in a car accident. It was one of the hardest times of my life. He was a vibrant, sarcastic guy that is missed dearly. There is something missing at all of our family gatherings because we loved him so much. As I ran mile 7, they had flags to remember veterans, which was fitting because my Gpa Bob was a WWII vet. He was a man of little words, but we all felt loved when we visited him. My Gma VR loved shopping and was so creative. Most of my memories of her are in Von Maur or looking through her quilts. Lastly, Molly was the best dog ever. She was with us for 17 years, and we loved her so much (cue tears).

Mile 8: Grandpa VanRoekel. I have a pretty "special" relationship with my Gpa VR. I consider him to be an accountability buddy when it comes to my faith. He's helped me grow by answering questions, encouraging, but most importantly, by praying. While he has his quirks that some find hard to understand, he will always have a soft spot in my heart. I don't know what I'd do without him.

Mile 9: The people of Haiti. When I had the opportunity to go on a mission trip in Haiti, I had no idea how much impact it would have on me. It changed me, and I'll never be the same. God is so amazing, and He is working everywhere. The greatest lesson I learned in Haiti was that in the end, we all just want to be loved. We may speak different languages, come from different backgrounds, but when it comes down to it, loving and being kind is really all that matters.

Mile 10: My mom. At some point over the past few years, my mom became more than just a mom. She is my colleague for teacher talk, friend, accountability buddy, and prayer warrior. More than anything, she is my voice of reason and cheerleader. She has taught me about the importance of kindness. There isn't a day that goes by that she doesn't remind me that God is walking beside me and in front of me. My mom has always put us first. Her selflessness is what true love is all about.

Mile 11: My sister. I've always wanted to protect my sister from the "bad guys." Recently, I've realized that she's too old for that, and it's her turn to fight certain battles on her own. As a big sister, this is really hard. She is the most special person to me, my best friend. There really is no one that I want to see happier than Sarah. She is the most talented person I know, and I pray for her each day. She's our Goober and my Missy Boo. Plus, she's super funny.

Mile 12: Me and the strides I've made. By mile 12, I was dying. My feet hurt terribly, and the finish line couldn't come fast enough. But it was time to really reflect on all of my accomplishments. I am a teacher who loves my job. I worked hard to get to the school and position that I am in now. I am a runner. I am a friend, daughter, and sister. Most importantly, I realized that by accomplishing this half marathon, I can do anything.

Mile 13: Jesus Christ. I had to finish strong, and the only person who could get me through is my buddy, Jesus. I prayed...boy did I pray. God has placed some wonderful people in my life, but I'm most thankful for the relationship that I have with Him. Being a Christian has truly made me who I am. "I have fought the good fight, finished the race, and kept the faith." 2 Timothy 4:7

Until the next race...

My Kids On This Mother's Day

After a quick yoga session this morning, I got ready and headed to church. I was feeling pretty excited to hear a message that would motivate me as we head into our last couple of weeks of school. To my dismay, the sermon was based solely on parenting. I realize that it is Mother's Day, and in no way do I want to take away from all of the love that they deserve. But I couldn't help but feel hurt by the words of the minister. Maybe I was reading into it, and I do realize that I am sensitive to the issue, but it doesn't make the pain any less real to me. I wasn't concentrating like I should as I counted down the minutes until we were dismissed. As I sat there, I couldn't help but think about all the mothers that have lost children, parents longing to have children but are unable, and other single people praying daily for families. This couldn't have been an easy hour for them either. Before I knew it, there were tears in my eyes. These feelings surface frequently, but I let them rest inside. I don't know how healthy that is, but I don't want to make my problems someone else's because I realize that everyone has their "thing." People are hurting for various reasons. It's our job to recognize that and be kind.

As I sit at Starbucks, I'm wondering what I can learn from this; how can I move forward from today's sermon? My mind is spinning as I realize that I just need to let it be. It's over, and it hurt, but the fact that I'm not a parent doesn't take away from all of the great aspects of my life. God is good, all the time. I will trust in that. 

On Friday, one of my students came into my room offering me a cupcake. She said it was for Mother's Day in which we both laughed knowing that I'm not a mother. No, I may not have my own children, but I always refer to my students as my kids because that's just what they are. They mean the world to me, and I am thankful to serve as a "mother" to them both in and out of the classroom. 

Time to move forward and have a happy Sunday. 

Soak It In

Currently, I have my "prep" at the beginning of the day. Seeing as I am a morning person, this has been working out quite well. In fact, I feel like I've been really productive already today!

Fridays have such a different feel. It's a little more relaxed and people tend to be in a better mood (obviously). This morning, a senior came in and asked me to look over his speech that he's preparing for the graduation ceremony. After finishing up some work, I read through it. He referenced a song by John Michael Montgomery called "Life's a Dance." I played it as I read though his thoughts. I had one of those moments where I thought, "How did I get so lucky to have this job?" I stopped, looked around because remembering to soak it all in is really important in teaching. The slower pace of most Fridays allow for this. This time of year can be kind of hectic, but for seniors, it can also be nostalgic. While most of them want to be done, I try to remind them to soak it in because these days won't happen again. 

Write Your Story

Setting Goals (And Keeping Them)

I just completed my long run for the week. Woohoo!! It was a bit windy and much hillier than I anticipated, but I did it! Currently, I am training for a half marathon at the end of May. I've trained for races before, but for some reason, I am more focused this time around. My current running mantra: "If it doesn't challenge you, it won't change you." (No, I didn't come up with that on my own.) Basically, I want to run better than I have before; I want to prove to myself that I can change by way of new challenges.

In order to be a good runner, it's important to fuel your body. Which means, I've cut out processed foods and been focusing on eating clean. I haven't always had a very good relationship with food, and I am learning to be gentle with myself. I make mistakes, but I'm trying much harder than I have before, and I'm feeling much better -- both physically and mentally. The way I've been holding myself accountable is by way of a challenge group on Facebook. Basically, we just report to the group what we eat each day, along with water intake and exercise. While my focus does seem greater, it's good to have a group that offers support. The idea of intuitive eating and putting real foods in my body that will fuel me has really been the driving force for me during this challenge.

As a high school teacher, we discuss goal setting quite a bit. The dreadful question "Where do you see yourself in five years?" seems to pop up in this process. While it is a good idea to think this through, I've learned that I can't make those decisions for someone else. I can nag, nag, nag, but if a student doesn't have the drive to achieve certain goals, that's his or her decision. Until someone really wants to set goals and make a change, it won't happen until that person is ready. I have a good friend that recently lost a significant amount of weight. I asked her what made her decide to make a change. There was a specific moment when she realized that she could no longer live with the extra weight; she decided to make a change. She set out on a challenge, and she continues to grow and change. What a great feeling!

Lastly, as a runner, it's hard not to get discouraged at times. For me, I'm not terribly fast. I wasn't born a runner, so it is a little bit more challenging compared to others. But the fact is, it's not about others. My race is just that: mine. Each time I go out, I am thankful for the ability to run. I try to soak in the scenery and enjoy the fact that my legs are able to move. Running is one of the aspects of my life that makes me feel normal. I'm proud to be a part of the running family and plan on continuing to push myself. When I want to quit, I thank God for the gift of running.

Reasons Our Plans Don't Work Out

It's frustrating when the plans in our head don't turn out the way we planned. These disruptions can even leave us anxious. Over the past few years, I've come to realize that the twenties are full of disrupted plans. As we graduate from college and begin to make our mark on the world, we have ideas about being successful, having a disposable income, and a thriving social life. What we don't think about are all of the trials that we are about to embrace. 

One of the reasons our plans don't work out is because we don't plan for trials. Upon my college graduation, I didn't think about financial issues, struggles finding the right career, or breakups with boyfriends. Those things simply weren't a part of my plan for obvious reasons. I'm not suggesting that we include adversities in our life plans, but I do think we need to be realistic when things pop up. Not only do we need to learn to be okay with them, we need to be thankful for them. There are reasons our plans are disrupted, mainly because it's not about our plan; it's about God's plan. Especially as we live out this Passion Week in the Christian church, we are reminded that God has the final say. Simply put, His plans are greater than ours. 

Just this morning, my devotional (Jesus Calling) read, "Thank me for troublesome situations; the peace they can produce far outweighs the trials you endure." These words couldn't be more true. Finding peace during the storms grows up closer to God, which as Christians, is our ultimate goal. 

Letting Go

Letting go means that things are changing. Whether it means that you’ve lost someone close to you or that you’re moving on from a familiar place, aspects of your life will never be the same. Recently, my parents moved from my childhood home to a new town. Every once in a while, I get a little emotional about not revisiting the only place I will ever call my hometown. Logically, it made sense for them to move. I know this, and I truly am excited for them; however, emotionally, I hold onto old memories pretty tightly. While I don’t believe I should let go of them (well, maybe a few), it may be time to loosen up my grip.

Another aspect of my life that needs a little lotta bit of loosening, is surrendering my issues to God. I read the other day, “When you let go, something magical happens. You give room for God to work.” God doesn’t want us to do more for Him; He wants more of us. He desires for us to let go of our worries so that He can take care of them. We all have those few things that eat at us – those constant worries that we can’t shake. What would happen if we let go of them? Why are we even holding on to them? Part of my wonders if I enjoy the worry because if I didn’t have it then I would have any reason to throw myself a pity party every once in a while. I hold on to those same worries. Yes, there are others that seep into my mind, but those big worries that constantly haunt me, I never let go of them. Today is the day to let them go.

God, take these obnoxious worries and shield me with your grace. I want to live in peace while trusting Your plan is working better than any one I could ever dream of.

Let. Go.

On Being Real

We often hear others talk about people being “fake.” Whether it is in someone’s appearance (The Real Housewives, cough, cough) or personality, it’s not a desired trait. We don’t like being lied to, and in many ways, this is exactly what happens when a person is acting “fake.” We aren’t getting their true self, and that is disappointing. But why do people feel the need to act this way? Why can’t we all feel comfortable enough to act as our true selves?

Perhaps as we get older, this becomes easier; we become more aware of ourselves and comfortable in our own skin. Being a high school teacher, I see a lot of insecurities and actions that could be considered “fake.” While I would love to see these behaviors go to the wayside, I realize how fragile self-image is for teenagers. I remember feeling self-conscious, desiring to fit in. And the truth is, sometimes I feel myself falling back into these habits.

In my first teaching job, I received a compliment from my principal that I will never forget. He told me that the kids (and other teachers) responded to me because I am honest. I had never really thought about it before, but I realized that he was probably right. I don’t hide things from people. What you see is what you get. I would like to think that my students would say that I am “real.” I share stories about my life (not too personal, of course) and listen when they do the same. I admit when I’m wrong. If I write a terrible essay question, I own it, change grades if necessary, and we move on. I don’t pretend to know all the answers because, quite frankly, I don’t know all the answers (hard to believe, right?!). Honesty, being “real,” is one of my strengths, and I’m glad that someone pointed that out to me.

Obviously, I’m not sharing this with you to gloat, but rather to encourage a few thoughts. First, to think about the importance of being “real” and how you respond to those that are. Second, what are you good at? I know I can be really hard on myself, and I don’t spend enough time praising myself for things I do well. Think of a time when someone complimented you, and accept it. Rather than discarding the comment, embrace your talents. I’m going to be “real” with you for a minute – I want you to love yourself today.

A Change of Thoughts... Well, Kinda

The other day I started brainstorming ideas for a post I wanted to title "Learning While Waiting." I was going to outline all of the things I've learned while being single and watching what seems like everyone settle down with a significant other. My ideas came after reading an article from Relevant Magazine, and to be honest, it's a hurt that I carry with me each day. You may be wondering what a single gal like myself has been "learning," right? The biggest two: how to financially stand on my own and the importance of being in a healthy relationship (I've witnessed and participated in both healthy and unhealthy ones).

After hearing an amazing motivational speaker, Jeff Yalden, at school today, I realized that making a list about "waiting" is counterproductive. By doing so, I'm telling myself that what is going on in my life right now doesn't matter. It's saying that my purpose right now will never be enough until I'm no longer single. As I write this, I realize how silly stupid this sounds. Today I realized that I'm not "waiting." You see, there is no such thing because life is happening right now. My purpose is right now, and what I am doing in my life right now matters. I don't need to wait for anything. My life is happening right now.

He also spoke about the comparisons that we make each day. Social media does not help at all with the comparison trap. We see "perfect" moments from our "friends" played out through pictures, status updates, and clever words. Why am I not going on beach vacations, dating a dude with abs, or posing a gorgeous 2 month old by a huge teddy bear (I find this one a little disturbing)? Well, newsflash: Our self-worth is not measured by those "perfect" moments we see on Instagram. Our self-worth comes from inside. It comes from a place that for many is hard to find. I have always been a people-pleaser. I want everyone to be happy, placing the needs of others before my own. Is my sister doing alright? Are my students comprehending the material? In college, I really struggled with self-worth. I found myself walking on eggshells as I pretending that everything was okay. It takes time to feel comfortable in our own skin, to finally step back and say, "I'm pretty amazing... inside and out." And the hardest part is that no one can do this for us. Not a spouse, best friend, or parent. Nope, this is something each of us needs to find individually. How do we expect others to love us if we don't love ourselves?

Living Out the Ordinary

There are few days in our lives in which "big" events take place. High school graduation. Choosing a career and finding a job. Moving to a new area. Marriage. Children. And the list goes on... Tucked into those "big" events are a whole bunch of ordinary days. We wake up, go about our daily routines until it's time to rest again that night. Those ordinary days aren't necessarily bad, just regular, mundane, average.

Ordinary can be comfortable. Sometimes having a "normal" day is exactly what I need; however, other times these days grow tiresome. These days seem to be where I live in limbo. I don't know when the next "big" event will take place. I don't know what it will be, and the uncertainty leaves me anxious. And along with that, somewhere along the way, I have been told that ordinary is not enough. My seemingly mundane life is unexciting, and that is not okay... or is it?

These ordinary days are for waiting. Speaking of being anxious, waiting can be so uncomfortable. We want the answers, often becoming impatient and cranky. What can we do to make waiting in ordinary days bearable? Be thankful. It may sound stupid, hard, confusing, but it's really the only way to make each day positive. No, not every day is exciting, but that doesn't mean we can't find something to be thankful for. My lessons will not be super-engaging each day, but I can be thankful that my students seemed to understand the material (or that a fight didn't break out?). I may have gone to bed at 8 p.m., but I can be thankful for a good night's rest. There might not be big plans for the weekend, but I can be thankful for the gift of relaxation. We can live out the ordinary.