The Company We Keep

There are times when I am highly indecisive. Sometimes I annoy myself. Just make a decision already, Anna! I would like to think I am not the other one that struggles with this from time to time.

The other day, I was contemplating what to do. Should I stay in and get a good night's rest or go out with friends? I was tired and found it best to just lay low. I remember talking it through with a girlfriend and deciding it was "healthier" for me to watch a movie and pass out before 9 p.m.

Sometimes I kick myself for placing myself in these "unhealthy" situations. I'm talking about those situations when I find myself swearing, being crude, and judgmental. I go home wishing I would have acted in a better light. Once again, showing me that I am far from perfect.

Later, I shared my despair with my mom. I tried to understand why I would even place myself around people that didn't bring out the best in me. Why am I so weak that I start acting like a different person so quickly? She helped me understand that many times it's good to be in those situations. If we always shelter ourselves and stay around "safe" people, then we will never grow. The fact is, it's not realistic to only be in "healthy" places.

I more recently went out with girlfriends and tried to have a different attitude. I was more conscious of my words and actions. No, I wasn't a total buzzkill. I was still Anna. I was still able to laugh, joke, and have a good time, but I found myself in a better place. Instead of going along with the group, I made comments that I believed in. For instance, someone made a crude comment that really got to me. It was slightly derogatory, and while I wouldn't ever participate in this conversation, normally I would be much more passive. The other night, however, I felt compelled to say something. I wasn't rude and I didn't make things uncomfortable. I simply wanted that person to hear me.

The fact is, we don't always choose the company we keep. What we can control is our own actions. I want to be a light in every situation I place myself in. I want to respect and care about others. The best way to do this is to listen, smile, and believe in the good in people.