Crabby Cook

I get really tired of people talking about my lack of cooking skills. No, I don't really cook. Yes, I am a female. When did slapping on an apron and whisking up some pudding become part of the definition of being a woman? Let me defend myself in saying the reason I don't cook is not because I can't. In fact, when I put my mind to it, I can produce some pretty mouth-watering dishes (sometimes).

Here are a few reasons I choose not to cook:

1. Time. It's not that I can't find time to cook, but rather, I don't want to spend a lot of time in the kitchen. As soon I start pulling ingredients and dishes out, I'm annoyed. It takes me an hour to cook a plate that I eat in 7 minutes. Annoying.

2. Amount of ingredients. I look through a recipe and think, "What does all that crap even mean?" Sorry I don't have chives laying around to add to the top of my potato soup. If there are more than five ingredients, I'm out.

3. Clean up. Ugh. There is nothing worse than have dishes piled up from sauteing and broiling who knows what. I hate that you have to wash a measuring cup that only had breadcrumbs in... I mean, no one is going to know if you just stick that puppy back into the drawer. And all you are left with are raisin fingers from doing the dishes. No, thank you.

I sound like a sour puss, but I'm okay with that. I'll have Grape Nuts and bananas until my face bleeds. So, maybe some day I will be choose to be a renown cook. Until then, you can call me the 'crabby cook.'